Movie Muhfriday: The Karate Kid - 8-out-of-10 T's

I went to bed 48 hours ago KNOWING that when I held my customary midnight show this week, the film we were going to watch was going to be terrible. Everything about this movie, from the time I saw the preview poster and realized that they were actually making the movie to the first trailer I saw, screamed to me that this would be barely watchable at best.

Apparently, the sky is green and grass is blue and I don't have the raddest mustache in Ohio, because my world has been turned all topsy turvy by this film that was supposed to suck and DIDN'T. Not even a little bit.

First off, a nitpicky problem: the name. The only karate you see in this movie is on a tiny TV screen. Karate is Japanese (Mr. Miyagi was Japanese, played by Japanese-American Pat Morita), but this movie is set in China. Here, he learns kung-fu. In Asia, this movie is called "The Kung Fu Kid", which, if they'd called it that from the beginning, I probably would have been less skeptical about it. Even now, if a week ago, they'd changed their minds and sent out new posters and changed all of the ads on TV and called it "The Kung Fu Kid", a lot of people on the interwebs and in the media and anyone who pays attention would have probably given it more of a shot from the get go. Bah. Rant over.

This is a remake in only the very loosest sense. It hits a few key points, but does it in such a way that you're all like "Yeah, I remember Mr. Miyagi doing that" or "Oh, is he gonna 'wax on' now?" But it's so different, and it even makes more sense than the way they did it in the original, that you don't care. I, at least, enjoyed this film much more than I really expected was possible.

What follows is a list of the key themes from the original film that they touch on in this movie, with a spoiler-lite example of how they do it in this film and the original.

1. Stranger in a strange land (Daniel-san moved to California with his mom against his will/Dre (Jaden Smith) moved to China with his mom against his will)

2. Gang of guys who misuse the martial arts because of their bad teacher (both films, pretty much the same, only they're a lot less blond and white in the new one)

3. Maintenance man who saves main character, does some healing magic on the beat up main character, teaches him martial arts with mundane tasks (Mr. Miyagi with the clap-rub thing, painting a fence and waxing a car teaches defense/Mr. Han with a much cooler fire-and-lightbulbs thing that you really need to see, taking a jacket on and off for days teaches defense and offense)

4. Pretty girl that offers friendship and support (Elizabeth Shue/a chinese girl whose name isn't on Wikipedia)

5. TRAINING MONTAGE!!!

6. Tournament that offers the climax of the film

My only problem with this movie happens during the tournament, and this is a problem I had with the original, too: the main character has been training in their form of martial-art for a few weeks, a few months tops, and they are successfully holding their own against dudes that have been practicing for years. That blows mah mind. I understand why that needs to happen for the purposes of the movie, but I've always had a problem suspending my disbelief there.

"My years of practice are no match for your jacket-fu!"

Also, here's a spoiler: you know the drill, click and drag to highlight them if you really wanna see.

***HERE THERE BE SPOILERS***

The final fight, the main character does some move that wins it for them. In the original it's the Crane Kick. In this one, it's kind of the crane kick, but for a different reason: Dre's leg is hurt, so he gets all balancey on one foot, focuses his chi, and when the whistle blows does A ONE-LEGGED FLYING SPIN JUMP-THING THAT KICKS THE OTHER DUDE'S FACE INTO THE GROUND, before landing back on the one leg.

Wha... what? How did... what? That was amazing, and completely impossible and silly. The announcer guy hands the trophy to the loser (who up until this point has been a thug and a hooligan and probably tortures kittens in his closet at home) to give to Dre, which he does with a smile on his face. He happily hands over the trophy. HAPPILY.

"Dude, I don't even care that I just got totally pwned in front of the entire nation of China, that flying kick thing where you smacked my face into the ground was the coolest thing I've ever seen!"

He totally says that. Y'know, with his eyes. Whut whut WHAT?!

***THE SPOILERS IS ENDED***

"I can only do this because I'm 12!"

Jackie Chan is awesome in this movie. He's dramatic. No one in America has seen a dramatic Jackie Chan. In China, he's like Elvis mixed with Bruce Willis and Tom Hanks: he's a singer, he's an action star, and he does comedy and dramas. He's like a swiss army knife of an actor... over there. Here, we just get him being an action star, or in horrible action comedies like Shanghai Noon or Rush Hour. Fun Fact: in the Chinese translation of Disney's Beauty and the Beast, he was the beast's singing voice. That's pretty cool, methinks.

"Boy, I'm famous."

He plays a dude with a history in this movie. When you find out what his history is, it takes you by surprise. And it's incredibly well done, very well portrayed on his part. You understand why he's acted the way he does for the entire movie.

By the end of it, both characters end up in better places than when they start, strengthened by each other.

"Man, kid, I should have done 'Rush Hour' with you. You're awesome."

This is a good movie, made better, I will admit, by my low expectations. That said, this was a fine film, and well worth the $5-$10 you would spend on admission. It's also family friendly, as long as you're cool with 12-year-old kids punching each other. It's PG, so it isn't terribly graphic.

"This is the part where you punch me, isn't it? Yeah. I thought so."

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.